Hey #JustWrite!! Happy 2023!! Wow, it is day 15 of the new year and so much has already happened that has brought forth many conversations. I say that in a general sense because the conversations I speak of could be from different areas: dreams, goals, losses, or gains. One conversation that keeps coming up is the journey of healing. The concept of healing looks different to many people. Some people find healing through talk therapy and creative projects, while others find many coping mechanisms to help, some good and some that are damaging. When it comes to healing, most of us don't consider the generational patterns within our family that lead to a lot of things we suffer from within our present reality. Within my own healing journey, throughout the pandemic, and most recently during the holidays, I noticed certain patterns resurfacing again which prompted me to really sit down and think about how my early years and what I saw were affected by my family lineage and the unhealed trauma that was passed down to myself and my siblings. One pattern I noticed in my family is that many of us tend to only see ourselves in the lens of what was presented to us. We tend to say, "I don't want to be like my mother or father yet we still take on the dysfunctional characteristics of our parents because the unhealed part of us believes that since it was shown to us without any correction, the behavior must be correct. And then there is the excuse, "my mother did it this way; my father did it this way", which goes further back to generations and generations. The difference between most of us during this time and those who came before us is that we are willing to fully examine and dissect those traumas and fully pursue total healing through healthy means. Sadly, many of us have succumb to the unending trauma either physically, mentally, or spiritually.
This month's book club read is "Unlocking Your Family Patterns," by authors Dr. Henry Cloud, Dave Carder, Dr. John Townsend, and Dr. Earl Henslin. It is a book that combines much wisdom through clinical, biblical, and practical methods based on the authors' thorough research and counsel. The book is divided into the following 3 parts:
Part 1. Dysfunction in Families of the Bible
Part 2. Contributing Factors in Family Dysfunction
Part 3. Family Health: How to Do It Right When You Learned It Wrong
Most of us growing up felt that just because we didn't have the same experiences as Johnny or Susie, our home life was not dysfunctional. The disheartening truth is that we all come from dysfunctional families. The only difference is that some families hide their dysfunction better than others. Some of us were able to push through the dysfunction and live productive, imperfect lives while our peers struggled to have a normal day because the dysfunction was at a magnitude that it was second nature. This selection shows that even in the Bible, no one was exempt from dysfunction especially since the days of Adam and Eve and the Fall of Man. This dysfunction has shown us time and time again of how much we must rely on God and His Word, in addition to healthy practices to guide us through the healing process that will help rebuild families.
Families are able to overcome and recover by the following six steps:
1. Be proactive and not reactive.
2. Be prepared for healing to take time. Don't rush the process.
3. Learn new information and relearn how to have healthy relationships
4. Persevere and remain determined to be healed.
5. Dump and release the shame; get rid of what doesn't work for us.
6. Develop and commit to one's spirituality; "Abide in Christ" (John 15:5). We must fully submit to Him and allow healing to take place.
Join the conversation on Tuesday, January 31 as we understand healing from the perspective of, if God can bring David, Isaac, and Jesus through their families dysfunction, then He can bring us to a greater end from our family dysfunctions.
Let's get free in 2023!!
In His service,
Lequvia Ousley
